Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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