You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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