I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
