is your mom at the bar?
i permit you to call me
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
