it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
