Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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