atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
