Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
