I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
