Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
