This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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