Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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