Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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