God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
