i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize