WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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