i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
