I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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