I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize