Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
