Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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