yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
