Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
