so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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