Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
