My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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