I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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