I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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