My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
