Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my phone needs a breathalizer
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I've blown a few things in my day
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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