thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
