About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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