Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
