My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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