haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
