you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
