How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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