she woke up with a sticky ear
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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