Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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