sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
