Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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