It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
