let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
