my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
