my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
