i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize