He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
