trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
