she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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