I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
