Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
