he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
