how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
