That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
