Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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