You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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