went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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