good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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