I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
