we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
