thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
