I wannas sexs uuuuu
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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