They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
