I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
