I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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