wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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