Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
