I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
