so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize