Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
