WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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