make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize