Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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