I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
