What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
