I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
