At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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